gummy bears

Okay, so here’s the thing.  when I first came to seminary, I got this brilliant idea for a sort of stress reliever whereby I’d go onto facebook and make up these ridiculous quizzes that would become wildly popular with all the high school girls, who would swoon and faint and pass notes to each other in class that said, “Did you like that quiz?  Check ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’”   Wee-eell, maybe that’s not exactly how it happened.  I saw that a bunch of my (adult) friends were taking this whackafrass quiz called “What color sharpie are you?” and I thought that if people would take a quiz to find that out, they’d take a quiz to find anything out (and I’m right, by the way – have you seen some of the quizzes people - adult people... over 30! -  are taking on facebook these days?!).

So flash forward, and I’ve made a couple of quizzes:  three, to be exact.  You must understand that I did this all at the beginning of my stay here at seminary, before I started to realise that the pressure on my brain was going to blow it right through the back of my skull and onto the wall behind me.  So I stopped writing quizzes and decided I’d try this instead.  We’ll see how long this lasts.  Anyhow, two of my quizzes did pretty well – one went through the roof...  Through.  The.  ROOF.  I tell you.  It was actually the first one I did, and not even my favorite, I might add.  It was...  (drum roll here) The Infamous Gummy Bear Quiz.  And tonight, as I was fiendishly blocking such annoying applications as Farmville from accessing my facebook profile information, I came across dear old Gummy, and thought I’d take its Q & A and retool it into a score chart type blog form (Next I’ll put my favorite, but less popular by facebook standards, quiz up for you).  This is a long one, hope you make it to the end!

 

So here you go – Quiz #1 – What Flavor Gummy Bear Are You?

#1 – You are at a party with your friends, how would you best describe your social interaction with them?

1.  Party?  What's that?  My friend doesn't like to go out in public with me. Well, sometimes we go to Wal-Mart together to look at flannel-colored pantyhose, or we like to look at the Twilight video section, because I know that vampire boy would have picked me if that whiney Kristin girl would have just left him alone long enough...  (-2 points)

2.  I have my following. We like to hang and pick out all the stupid things those "popular" people are doing.  They think they're so cool, but they're really just a bunch of sheep.  They’re not cool, and they know they’re not cool, but if you hang around a bunch of other people who aren’t cool long enough and you all tell each other you’re cool, you start to believe you’re all cool.  I’d never fall for that clap-trap.  I just like to watch it happen.  Kind of like watching Teen Mom on MTV.  (+0 points)

3.  If I so choose to go, I usually hang out toward the back of the room with the few people who really get me. There aren't many who do, though by the end of the night everyone there likes to pretend like we are all good buddies.  Even when I start out by myself, I usually end up surrounded by a small crowd like a magnet.  I can’t get away no matter how hard I try.  Nobody understands what it’s like to be me.  (+4 points)

4.  My friends and I don't really party. We hang out together in small groups and do more funner things, like role playing games... and Settlers of Catan.  Sometimes we wear funny hats and call each other Dalmuti, but that’s only on really special occasions.  (+5 points)

5.  Woo Hoo! I am the life of the party!  If life were a ship, I’d be hangin’ off the bow shoutin’, “I’m the king of the world!”  When I talk everybody listens. When I leave, the party's over.  I’m hangin’ out with the biggest crowd!  We’re doin’ the funnest things!  Where are we?  Where ever’s best!  What’re we doin’?  Whatever’s funnest!  WHEEE-HAAAA!!!!  (+2 points)

#2 – When you walk into a crowded room, people always:

1.  Pretend I don't exist.  But then, what is the meaning of existence?  Maybe I’ve never existed at all if that vampire from Twilight doesn’t know I exist.  My life is meaningless. (+0 points)

2.  Are intrigued by your acerbic wit and vivacity - you really throw off tart sparks that bring in only those intelligent enough to "get it".  And who’s not “getting it?”  Those sheep in that little group over there, kissing the mirror.  They certainly don’t “get it.”   (+2 points)

3.  Are enthralled by you; they secretly wish they could join you, but because you are so beautiful and unapproachable, they find it hard to get close.  If only they understood how lonely you truly are inside.  (+4 points)

4.  Stand aside as you and your pack of loyal friends go conspicuously to your regular spot in the corner.  Come on over and join us!  We have a funny hat with your name on it!  (+3 points)

5.  Flock to you, enticed by your witty conversation and sparkling personality.  There’s always fun to be had where you are, even if it’s sometimes at someone else’s expense.  Oh, snap!  (+2 points)

#3 – What kind of fruit smoothie do you like?

1.  Smoothie?  I'll just take water, and not that fancy spring water, either.  Better make it purified.  Or maybe even tap. I can't be having that smoothie kind of excitement.  (+1 point)

2.  Whatever those stupid popular girls aren't drinking with their football player boyfriends. Jerks.  (+0 points)

3.  Sweet guava honeysuckle nectar.  (+3 points)

4.  Something citrusy, but sweet, with maybe some tropical overtones.  And make sure you put one of those fun little drink umbrellas in it.  (+2 points)

5.  Berry-flavored. Or Tropical. Or, well, whatever everyone else is drinking.  (+1 point) 

#4 – How do you like to do your hair in the morning?

1.  All that hair washing is for yumps.  I just hope the grease doesn't show too much. Maybe I'll take a shower this weekend, and if I do, maybe I’ll wash my hair.  (-3 points – eeewww!)

2.  However those stupid popular girls aren't doing their hair. Guh!  (+1 point)

3.  I don't usually have to do anything to my hair when I get up in the morning. It usually looks all right without any styling.  If I have somewhere special to go, maybe I’ll use some heat or some product, but otherwise I just wash and go.  (+4 points)

4.  I'm not fussy. If it's just a normal day, I'll just brush it out and maybe use a little hairspray to tame frizz.  If I have a date (or if it’s a Dalmuti kind of a day) I’m bustin’ out the gel and the curling iron, and you might not recognise me when I’m done!  (+3 points)

5.  I use a straightening iron. Or I curl it. If most of my friends have bangs, I'll cut it. Last week I got a weave to look like that girl in Twilight... What's her name? Who cares, I know the vampire would have picked me instead of her anyway.  Vampires don’t just like greasy-haired goth girls, I know what they’d really want is someone cute.  Someone like me.  (+2 points)

#5 – What's your favorite place to hang out?

1.  I hang out with my computer a lot, in my bedroom, taking meaningless quizzes that have no bearing on my life.  But if I ever have to fill out a job application that asks me what kind of kisser I am, I’ll be able to answer that question, no problemo.  (+2 points, for honesty... or ignorance, I can’t decide which)

2.  Starbucks. No, the mall. No, the Starbucks in the mall. No, no, wait, the football field while the team is practicing and then the Starbucks at the mall, because that’s where all the football players go after football practice.  When they’re done practicing.  (+3 points)

3.  Wherever I am, that's where I'll be.  (+5 points)

4.  I watch those popular girls through the window of the Starbucks at the mall and think about how stupid they all are.  (+2 points)

5.  Either the library or a quiet coffee shop where my friends and I can chat about our days and about how we’ll play Catan later on tonight.  (+4 points)

Results:

Red (Raspberry flavored) Gummy Bear –   8 - 12 points

You are the Red Raspberry Gummy Bear: perky and sweet, you attract people who are attracted to those who like to be attracted to people who like to have people attracted to them.  While your flavor is (sorry to burst your bubble) really fairly ordinary, you tend to fancy yourself wild and edgy - most Red Gummies do; no one will ever tell you differently, because even though you're ordinary, you're still popular. Don't let anyone ever tell you different, girl!

Orange Gummy Bear –   14 - 19 points

You are the Orange Gummy Bear: Citrusy and sweet, you're like a kick in the pants in the morning, but by the end of the day, you’re more like one of those organic energy drinks than that hot double macchiato that’s really going to keep a person going.  You're not quite as popular as the Red Raspberry Gummy, but you don't care, and never have.  Really, neither does anyone else who knows you, because you have your loyal followers.  Those who love the Orange gummy will die loving the Orange Gummy.  Those who defect were never really Orange Gummy lovers anyway.  Pah!

Green (Lime) Gummy Bear –   -2 - 2 points (ouch!)

You are the Lime Green Gummy Bear: I hate to say it, my friend, but you were always the last person picked for dodge ball.  But you do have friends – or friend – really you do... REALLY...  (*little cricket sound effect here*)  Unlike the Orange Gummy, you really mind not being as popular as your Red compatriot.  And unlike the lemon Gummy, it’s not something you make known.  It’s like a deep, secret, festering, puss-filled abscess.  (I just vomited a little in my mouth)  Secretly, in the dark of the night, you lie awake in your gummy bear bag, squished up against those other little boingy bodies, thinking of nasty ways to pop Red off.  And you could do it, too, sneaking around like a creeper late at night the way you do.  Don't worry. His time is coming.  He's always the first one to be eaten. Mu-wah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

Yellow (Lemon) Gummy Bear –   3 - 7 points

You are the Lemon Gummy Bear: You've got that tangy zip that a chosen few just can't get enough of – or, if you’re gonna have your way, which you always do, others just can’t get period.  Why do they like you better than the Lime Gummy?  Nobody knows.  I mean, really, in the generic gummy bear flavoring world, you’re practically the same flavor.  But people almost always choose you over him.  Poor Lime Gummy. Watch your back, though, ‘cause he's watching you.  You don’t have too much to worry about, though, because he’s watching Red more.  Why do people not like you as much as the Red Gummy?  Stupid Red Gummy with its perfect hair and manicured nails and popular crowd...  If you could only figure out how to do your hair like the Red Gummy, things would be so different...

White (Pineapple) Gummy Bear –  18 - 20 points

Ahhhh...  You, my friend, are the chosen one...  You are the White Pineapple Gummy Bear: Everybody loves you, but no one is quite sure what flavor you are – they can't quite pin you down.  The Gummy Bear company says you're pineapple flavored, but are you really?  Are you?  REALLY?  Only you know.  Mysterious and beguiling, you have quite the following – there are always so few of you in the bag that you're gone before anyone knows it, and everyone is left wanting more.  In fact, you are so mysterious that even that whack crazy Lime Gummy can't see how much more everyone loves you than Red. That's ok, let him target Red... you're the one everybody REALLY wants.

I should tell you, now that you’ve read this, if you’ve sat through the whole thing, that the Gummy Bears now have their own fan page on facebook and some 9,000 users, so they’re no small potatoes.  I don’t know if high school girls are passing notes about them in class, but they are asking the Gummies questions.  On a whim, I decided to check the Gummies’ fan page, and one dear soul had posted on there earlier this month, “r u the inventors?”  And so I wrote back to her (any post I make on the Gummy Bear fan page goes under the screen name “What Flavor Gummy Bear Are You?” and not “Jaye Barnes”, so it makes me feel a little like the Wizard of Oz), “The white Gummy Bear is the inventor.”  Is that wrong?